


My Vegetable Love

by burningoninmyheartfire



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Coming Untouched, Inappropriate Use of a Root Vegetable, M/M, Nohr | Conquest Route
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-04
Updated: 2018-10-04
Packaged: 2019-07-25 01:27:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16187228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/burningoninmyheartfire/pseuds/burningoninmyheartfire
Summary: In which Corrin woefully misunderstands the expression “to be more adventurous with one’s food”.Listen, this is what happens when I have a fever for two weeks.





	My Vegetable Love

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: Please do not try this at home. Vegetables are not safe for anal play.

“If you’re planning on serving your army nothing but cabbage yet again, you’re aware they’ll come for your head, yes?” Corrin looked balefully at his husband, then down at the many cabbages in his arms.

“But we have so many of them,” he protested. Niles leaned back and hardened his gaze. “And there’s only so many hats one army needs.” The silent judgement continued. “And I really like cabbage salad...

“I’ll get something else to go with them,” he eventually relented, dumping the cabbages on the counter. “They had a lot of vegetables I hadn’t seen before in the last village we passed.”

“Oh?” Niles prompted idly, moving to begin the grand task of cabbage preparation.

“There were these green things the merchant called ka-... kabocha? Oh, and _these_!” Corrin wandered back to Niles, a large white root vegetable in each outstretched hand, and a grin on his face. “They’re called daikon! Look how big they are!”

“You find joy in such trivial things.” Despite his chiding words, Niles couldn’t quite stop his smile leaking into his words. Corrin pouted and tucked one of the daikon under his arm, leaving both hands free to properly cradle the remaining root.

“It’s so soft too,” Corrin marvelled as he stroked one thumb back and forth. The daikon’s white surface felt waxy beneath his skin. His eyes near closed when he grinned again. “This must be the perfect vegetable!” It felt even better as he began to run his whole hand up and down the root. So soft... So smooth...

Suddenly Corrin felt Niles shift close to him, hand clasped over his own, hot breath hitting his ear. “My, my, Lord Corrin,” he purred seductively. The words tickled the pointed tip of the prince’s ear. “Tempting me even somewhere like this? What _would_ your troops think, knowing their food was late because you simply couldn’t control yourself?”

Corrin had to admit the dizzying combination of Niles’ words and tone and heat was sending blood rushing to his face as well as somewhere altogether less practical. But it hadn’t quite beaten out the confusion at the sudden onslaught. Until Niles’ hand still covering his began to rub along the length of the daikon, a slow, languid pumping motion.

Corrin felt another rush of heat as he realised how lewd the motion looked, and what he must have looked like moments earlier. A low chuckle sounded in his ear. “Ah, and again you weren’t even aware of yourself. I suppose I’ll never truly understand how you can be so seductively innocent.” Corrin shivered, licked his lips, and let Niles guide their hands together along the root.

“It-... it’s not like most people would think of that first,” he reasoned. The daikon fit so _damn well_ within his curled fingers. “It’s way too big for that, really!”

Niles hummed, a mocking question. “Perhaps in your limited experience...”

Corrin’s flush grew deeper still. “I-it _is_ too big! I mean, I don’t see how it could, you know, f-fit anywhere...”

“Ah, ah, ah. Those are the words of someone not thinking creatively enough.” Niles bit gently at the tip of Corrin’s ear; Corrin had to bite back a moan.

“Niles,” he gasped needily. “We’re... Anyone could...”

“In that case, you’ll just have to-“

He was abruptly interrupted by the main door to the mess hall opening to let in the giggles and gossip of Elise and her retainers. It was possible to visibly observe Niles’ thought process as he weighed up just how dead he would end up should the princess’ other siblings find out he’d let himself and Corrin be caught in the act by her. Quite dead, he settled on. Quite dead indeed. At some point, Corrin had come to the same conclusion, and now he wriggled out of Niles’ grasp, back to the kitchen bench.

They chopped vegetables together in relative silence, but every now and then Corrin’s mind drifted back to Niles’ words. Would something as big as a daikon really fit inside someone? And each time, his thoughts fixated upon the idea a little more.

***

It had been all of two days.

“I should’ve known you’d take me seriously,” groused Niles. For there was Corrin, a delightfully perverse sight, sprawling naked on the bed with a single daikon placed before him. His hair was still a touch damp from the baths.

“Oh?” Corrin smirked. He’d managed to position himself so that his groin was covered by his leg unless Niles went looking. As if a man currently suggesting he wanted to be fucked by a radish had any modesty left in him. “How do I know you didn’t plant the idea in my head on purpose? For all I know, you could’ve had this fantasy for years.”

Niles chuckled. “Don’t you think I would’ve used that one to rile you up _long_ ago?” Corrin huffed.

“Listen,” he said. His hands landed heavily on his daikon. “Are we just going to sit around and snark at each other for an hour, or are you going to help me carry out this stupid idea that’s stuck in my head forever now?”

Obligingly Niles approached the edge of the bed, sinking to his knees. Then he rested his elbows on the mattress and gave his husband a shit-eating grin. “I’m sure you’ll get along just fine without me getting in your way. Why don’t I just sit back and watch?” Corrin’s face turned red as expected. But instead of hesitant obedience, he glanced meekly askance. Niles had a nasty feeling he would be instantly swayed by whatever next words the man had planned.

“Well I... It wouldn’t feel as good if it wasn’t coming from you...” Dammit, the earnestness rolling off of him was enough to make Niles’ fingers twitch. Corrin made eye contact, a shy smile on his face. “Please, Niles?” Some day, Niles is certain, he will grow immune to Corrin’s charming honesty. But for now...

“Alright then. On your hands and knees.” For now he had a cute dragon prince eagerly following his orders. He’d suffered worse fates.

“Ah, hold on, the oil’s rolled away!” He couldn’t help taking a handful of the soft, round ass waving in the air before him as the man it was a part of reached out for a jar on the other side of the bed. “H-hey.”

“No need to be so shy about this when I’m about to do so much worse to you.” Corrin handed over the jar and hurriedly turned away to hide his reddening face. Chuckling under his breath, Niles swiped some of the oil onto his fingers and got to work. One finger entered Corrin easily; it was met with a brief hiss of satisfaction. Quickly Niles inserted another, pumping slowly but determinedly, not particularly set on finding Corrin’s prostate. Not tonight. Not when the poor man was already half-hard with the main act yet to come.

“I can take more,” Corrin said, swallowing heavily and letting his head fall.

“No need to be so hasty, Lord Corrin,” Niles smirked in response, just barely scissoring his fingers.

“Niiiiiiiles..!”

“Oh, was that a plea for me to stop?”

Corrin bolted straight. “I’ll be good!” he hurried. “I’ll be _very_ good!” Withdrawing his hand to reach for more oil, Niles swapped out two fingers for three. Corrin groaned as the stretch set in. Sharp but steady. Pants slowly evening out as Niles built a rhythm. Niles set his free hand on Corrin’s ass again, spreading his cheeks, digging his nails into the pliable flesh until...

Corrin shuddered, Niles’ name breathed no louder than a whisper.

“I think you’re ready,” Niles murmured as he pulled back. Corrin’s skin was already flushed, little pink crescents pitted into his ass; they both knew him being scratched up wouldn’t be an issue. No matter how rough he was, Corrin was somehow already frustratingly healed up again by the next morning. Evidently, however small and fragile the prince _appeared_ , his dragon blood overcompensated for it.

The daikon felt weighty in Niles’ hands: probably three inches across and easily a foot long, straight and white and with the leaves still attached. Corrin was... _hopefully_ stretched enough. With an extra coating of oil, Niles positioned the rounded tip of the daikon at Corrin’s open hole.

Corrin tried to keep his breathing steady as Niles started to push. He still couldn’t stop a whine escaping as he felt himself start to give. Gods, he may as well have been trying to fit his entire arm in there!

A hand settled on his lower back, drawing his attention, and making him realise he’d been holding his breath. Corrin nodded and forced himself to relax, to focus on his breathing in, out, away from the immense pressure on his asshole...

“AH!” It had gone in! The end of the daikon was definitely inside him, forcing his legs more apart than they should be, tearing him open and exposed. He could just barely sense Niles’ hand leave his back before the daikon shifted further inside him, cool and unyielding and infinitely thick.

And then, even more painfully, it stopped there. Corrin leaned down and groaned into the sheets, breaths laboured, ass clenching desperately despite his efforts. Niles nipped at the back of his neck, another jolt of sensation to his overwhelmed mind. “You’re doing so well, love.” So soft it was nearly lost over Corrin’s panting.

Eventually the pain dulled, just a strange searing heat in the background. Corrin licked his lips. “More,” he demanded hoarsely.

“As milord wishes.”

It didn’t hurt anywhere near as much now he was stretched around the full girth of the radish. But he felt unbearably full as Niles gently thrust the daikon in and out, each time a little bit further in. Corrin felt tense all over, pushed outwards by the sheer size of the vegetable, bursting at the limits of his-

“Ah, it’s already halfway in,” Niles commented. He paused to add more oil.

“O-only halfway?!” Oh gods, he’d been right the first time; a daikon would never fit inside a person! Maybe this had been more stupid than he thought. Maybe...

Those thoughts were soon banished from his head as Niles pulled the daikon back and for a moment Corrin dreaded that it was over. But instead came another thrust forward. Corrin moaned loudly.

He couldn’t help being dragged back and forth with the movement of the daikon, with the friction of the six, seven, eight inches of vegetable inside him. All he could hear were his own needy gasps, all he could feel was how burning hot he was, how his entire body was being remoulded by the daikon being thrust harder now. Corrin didn’t dare to move, sure by now he wouldn’t be able to bend without cumming instantly, judging from the sparks of pleasant pressure radiating all the way up to his stomach. And he wasn’t ready for it to end yet, damn it! He wanted more - he _needed_ more!

And then it all stopped. _Again_. Groggily Corrin turned his head round, making sure he wasn’t moving anything else in the process, to see what’d happened. Niles crouched there, pupil blown wide with lust, just staring at Corrin’s ass, at just the long green daikon leaves left hanging outside like some perverse mockery of a tail. “Is it all...” Corrin trailed. Niles didn’t answer.

Corrin barely caught sight of his husband moving before there was an arm beneath him and his hands and knees felt empty air. He landed heavily on his back with a whimper, head dizzy, daikon pushing roughly and haphazardly against his prostate. Almost too late he brought his hand down to clutch his leaking cock. _He wasn’t done yet, dammit_! Eventually, after an agonising few seconds of calming himself, he opened his eyes only to see Niles looming over him, gaze hungry, grin predatory.

"You have no idea how filthy you look, do you?” he breathed. “All ready to come just from a vegetable.”

“I-it’s a very big vegetable,” Corrin argued back, weakly.

“It is, isn’t it?” Niles’ hand was trailing down Corrin’s chest and beyond; he carefully grasped his hand and pulled it off his cock. “Look at what it’s doing to you.” He settled their hands on Corrin’s stomach. Corrin flicked his gaze down and,

“Oh...” he gasped. The daikon was big enough to make his stomach bulge out. It was firm when he pressed it, and he could feel it shifting inside of him.

Niles’ hand moved down again, grasping the end of the radish and tugging it out, back in. The way he could feel it move under his fingertips, could see it, Corrin couldn’t take it! His eyelids fluttered shut and he moaned openly. “Ah, ah. If you don’t watch, I’ll stop.” Corrin suddenly found the willpower to keep his eyes snapped open.

The pain from being fucked with a daikon had all but vanished, leaving him with a tingling numbness and the fullness, that insufferable _fullness_ he couldn’t come back from knowing now. Again and again, thrust after thrust, gasp after gasp, inside him, under him, _throughout_ him, pushing him away, pulling him back, all the while Niles’ eye boring into him where he wasn’t allowed to look. Instead his eyes stayed trained on where his hand rose and fell with the wild rhythm of the daikon, his frenzied breathing, his muscles as they tensed as he saw himself approach the brink, fingers clawing at the sheets and into his own skin, so close, so close, _so close_ -

“NILES!” he shouted as his vision whited out, muscles clenching one last, _glorious_ time around the daikon forced to a stop, pushing him back up, onwards..!

Corrin exhaled shakily, feeling a new warmth spreading over his stomach and hand. Ah, he’d made a mess.

Niles’ knelt back, bouncing the mattress just enough for the daikon to rub against Corrin’s inner walls and send a ripple of pleasure through him again. His dick gave a half-hearted twitch, and spat out what little cum it had left. Tentatively, Niles eased the radish out; Corrin’s ass seemed reluctant to let it go, but finally it was gone, dropped to the side, and Niles was free to run an affectionate thumb around the rim of Corrin’s gaping asshole.

“Absolutely terrible,” he murmured. “Utterly ruinous.” Ah, but someone needed to clean up, and his husband’s legs shouldn’t be working for at least a few hours. A shame, really. The prince looked so very perfect sweaty and exhausted and covered in his own cum.

Corrin whined in confusion, concern showing through his fucked-out expression. “Aren’t you going to feel what you’ve done to me?” he said hoarsely, tilting his knees outwards the best he could to show off his still slick hole. “Don’t you want to feel how loose I’ll be around your cock?”

“Well,” Niles growled, falling back over the other man’s body. His hands were already at the waistband of his breeches. “When you put it like that, you can’t expect me to resist.” He didn’t bother with any more oil, just lined himself up and sheathed himself into Corrin in one smooth stroke. Joint sighs of pleasure leaked into the room.

The sensations around his cock were alien, too cool and not enough pressure to be truly satisfying. But it meant all Niles could think of was how Corrin had looked before, the tortured sounds he’d made, the way his hole had twitched around the daikon as it fucked him open-

Niles came embarrassingly fast. He may have been more aroused than he’d thought, he pondered as he leaned down to bite little red marks into his husband’s skin before pulling out.

“Wait,” Corrin whined, finding just enough strength to fling his arms around Niles’ back, and not quite enough to keep them there. “Don’t move. ‘S warm.” Niles let out a huff of laughter.

“Every second you’re trapping me in this position is another hour it’ll take for this shirt to be clean ever again.” Really, he could feel Corrin’s lukewarm cum seeping clean through the fabric.

Corrin pouted. “Maybe you should’ve been naked sooner.”

“Maybe.” He mouthed further up, sucking a patch of skin right below Corrin’s jaw into redness.

“Thanks for indulging me, Niles,” Corrin said after a moment’s silence, voice small.

“I was hardly being selfless, I can assure you.”

“Well then, thanks for being as selfish as me.”

Corrin had another go at wrapping his arms round Niles, successfully managing to link his hands together this time and keeping him held there under a comforting weight.

“Niles?”

“Hm?”

“What do we do with the daikon now?”

“...You really didn’t think this through at all, did you?”

**Author's Note:**

> The title is a reference to a godawful love poem I had to read for English years ago, which I can’t check the name of because I literally burned all work I had on it the moment exams were over. I’m sorry to anyone else who ALSO had to do that poem and is now reliving that awful experience.
> 
> In case you were wondering, yes, ‘vegetable love’ referred to exactly what you think it does, and no, it was not the worst imagery of the damn thing. That dubious honour goes to a part involving worms and a woman’s corpse which I won’t embellish on, because I may have just written and published a fic where a guy gets a daikon shoved up his ass, but I have STANDARDS!


End file.
